make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
