i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
