So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
