what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
