I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
