We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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