You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
