My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
