I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
