one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
