shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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