Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
