My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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