just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
