Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need a beard to bite.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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