Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
