I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
