Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
