Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
