Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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