just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
