ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
