There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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