but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
