the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We have started to decorate penises.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
