people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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