Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize