Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
