Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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