you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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