Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
