i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
