I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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