There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
