i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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