Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
