i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
