I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
