sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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