SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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