I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
