Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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