you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
