the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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