you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
