never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
