So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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