So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
