I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
