there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
