Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
