I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
