I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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