I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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