you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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