pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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