First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
