lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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