Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
