Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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