if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
