well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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