Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
