I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
