saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
