Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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