apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
