The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
