Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
