I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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