can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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