ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
