You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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