You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
