So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drunk is not a location!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
